On Jul 2, 1:31 am, The Handelmaniac <CharlesHandel...@cs.com> wrote:
> I never have sex (did you ever hear of that?). >
Charlie, I had the exact same problem until I discovered the joy of
dildos. I wrote briefly of this after I posted that picture of my
terlet a while back. In case you missed my essay on that, I reprint it
here:
Speaking of wunnerful, does everybody remember the picture of my
terlet
that I posted here a few days ago? In case you've been wondering how
it got that way here's the deal: In the morning I shove a huge dildo
up
my ass and eat myself silly while I post all day long. I eat and drink
and
eat and drink and don't go to the crapper all day. Around about
midnight there is a ferocious battle of wills going on amongst my
posting compulsion, my overstressed innards and my exhausted asshole.
Sometimes I make it to the crapper and sometimes I don't. But even
when I make it, there ain't no way I'm gonna sit on that filthy seat,
so I stand in the doorway facing outwards then bend over and try to
look back through my thighs to try to take aim at the toilet seat,
but
when you're as obese as me there ain't no way you're gonna see that
seat anyhow, so I just take an educated guess and let it fly. That
dildo flies out of my butt like a speeding bullet followed closely by
my former snacks, hotdogs, pierogies, blintzes, watermelon, Big Macs,
pizza supremo, minestrone, cheese omelet Alfredo, and leftover duck
L'Orange, et
cetera. (And speaking of "duck", that's a major element of my
strategy. If I don't duck I get 'faced' when the projectiles rebound
of
the the opposite wall). Even ducking doesn't help all that much
because of the wide spray pattern flying back at me which often has
so
much carry that it hits the keyboard and monitor of my WebTv in the
next room. And it always gets in my hair. Talk about a mess. (And
don't even ask where I take a shower. Sometimes I think about giving
that toilet a good cleaning, but I just can't give up that much
posting time.
Best
Leonardo < Credit where doodoo> Tillman
Tip of the day: When trying out dildos always select one that's two
or
three sizes bigger than the one that feels comfy. And never ever
grease it up when you are planning on a full day and evening of
posting. A greased dildo can pop right out when least expected with
very em-bare-ass-ing results. Take it from a pro . . . been there,
done that.
L <Credit where doodoo> T
The Handelmani…
LT
